The Thin Man Chronicles
by CreepyThinMan
Summary: Chapter 8 is now up. The Angels and Thin Man team up to fight a threat to society. NOT SAPPY! R&R or I will not write another chapter. Please read an important note I have posted. I am still continuing with the story under the conditions listed.
1. Blue eyes meet red head

Night hung on his lips like a frosty kiss. It was not a brisk winter night, but the air felt heavy. Or maybe it was his conscience. Either way it was another weight that he did not want to deal with. Worry set in as his heart leapt, although he did not know why. He lit up a cigarette and took out his cane. It was an odd sight, seeing as this was a young, able man. Although his odd, blue eyes told a different story. As he ducked around a corner a slim, beautiful red-head jumped down from the fire escape of the ally way he had just entered. The man whirled around but it was too late, the red- head had jumped into action as she picked up a trash cover and threw it at the back of the man's head. He fell to the ground in a heap, a thin line of blood coming from the back of his head and seeping through his slicked-back hair. The red-head walked over to the man and kicked him so he was facing her. She knelt down and pushed her face about two inches away from his face smiled, and crowed, "And that's kickin' your ass." 


	2. Cheese Whiz, Hair, Thin Men and Headquar

More thin yummyness for joo. 

The blue-eyed man's eyes fluttered rapidly as he was in a head injury-induced sleep. 

"Hey, Bos", called the red-head. A man with sleepy eyes and a droopy face peered out of 

the fridge. "Yeeeah?", he asked as he rummaged around for some Cheese Whiz®. "Uh, is 

he gonna be ok?", asked the blonde one with a tone of worry in her voice. "Mmhm..." said 

the man, head still in the refrigerator. "Alex, toss me a Chinese Fighting Muffin.", said the 

read-head. The Asian one, or Alex as we will now call her, muttered her curt reply, "They're 

blueberry". "Whatever", said the red-head, or Dylan. "Just pass me one". Alex tossed the 

muffin with a sigh and Dylan caught it and chucked with all her force at the unconscious man's 

stomach. "Oof" was the only reply from the man. "Jeez, Dylan...kill him why don't ya..." the 

blonde or, Natalie said. "Bastard ripped out my hair..." Dylan said gravely. Bosley turned 

around armed with Cheese Whiz® and a sardonic smile. "Now girls", he started, "let's try not 

to cause to much hemorrhaging in that man....we still need some answers from him. "'K, 

Bos!" they all chimed in unison. "Ughn....", said the man as he on to his side. All the girls 

leaped up and scrambled over to get a better look at what was happening. They stood 

over him watching expectantly as he regained consciousness and opened his eyes and the 

girls gasped in anticipation. He fully took in what was going on around him looked up at the 

three faces and threw his head back in surprise, only managing to obtain another nasty 

bump on the head. "Not a sharp one, is he?" said Dylan, raising an eyebrow. 

"Shhhhhhh....DYLAN.", said Natalie punching Dylan in the arm as she did so. "Are you 

angels?", the man whispered. "Yeah", joked Dylan, "but not yours anyways." "Oh.", replied 

the man wrenching out a tuft of Dylan's hair as he did so. "OW! I AM GOING TO 

STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!", Dylan screamed lurching forward. "Stop.", said the man 

holding up his hand and Dylan stopped comically in mid-step. The man sniffed the hair and 

caressed it. Then he opened his eyes slowly, much like a feline and said slowly, "Oh. Your 

Charlie's girls." "DAMN STRAIGHT!", yelled Dylan snatching the hair back. Yes, the enemy 

was indeed in their control, for the lithe and deadly Thin Man would join them against their 

current assignment given to them by the famous Charlie'. "Do you know Mary Ortiz?", 

asked Natalie, gently. "Yes." "Can you take us to her?" "Yes, but you'll have to trust me" the 

Thin Man replied with a grin.


	3. Hair Stylings, and Deep Thinking

Ok. I do not join any Angels or Thin Men. Or Dorritos for THAT matter.

Dylan was beside herself. Not only did she have another bald patch, Natalie and Alex were actually treating this…._killer_ as if he were human. "Dylan!", shouted Natalie. "WHAT?", Dylan retorted rudely, and unnecessarily loudly. Natalie said in an understanding voice, "Come have some chips with us, ok?" Dylan thought about her options, she could go into the other room and have to see that UGLY man's face, or she could ignore him and enjoy a bag of Doritos with her closest friends. Besides, she would get back at them by eating half  the bag. "Coming", Dylan said softening her tone. Dylan swung her legs over the bed that she was lying on and thought, "Damn, Bosley's room has more of a feminine touch than mine." She looked groggy, make-up smeared, hair knotted and clothes rumpled. What could she do she had just woken up? Besides, she just didn't have the matinance for all that girly stuff. She walked into the other room where Natalie and Alex were playing with the Thin Man's hair. Natalie was straddling him on the couch, holding him down with her legs, while Alex watched Natalie, Master Hair Stylist at work. Alex giggled and placed a tortilla chip that she was holding in her mouth and started giving the Thin Man liberty spikes. "Get…off.", he whined trying to shake Natalie and Alex off, but in was to no avail. It's simple. Girls just want to have fun. "GAH!", yelled Dylan urgently, "What are you doing…..with the ENEMY?" Alex looked puzzled. "Enemy? He's a harmless little kitty cat!", she exclaimed grinning. The Thin Man gritted his teeth. He would beg to differ. "Ow,", he whined, "Your bony butt is digging into my ribs…" "Aww…Alex, do you think our Thin Man has had enough for today?" Alex snorted while shaking her head trying not to laugh. "Okay, Alex." Natalie turned to the Thin Man smiling. "You heard her. Either buck up or shut up." The Thin Man looked up at Natalie. No. He would never admit it, but he secretly enjoyed these little games of theirs. He also looked at Alex, blossoming with Asian beauty, small but deadly. He was secretly glad Knox was not there any longer, breathing down his neck or punching him when he made the slightest error. Perhaps this was the best thing for him. He felt as if he had died and gone to heaven. Well, he did, except for the whole death part. "Death is icky,", he thought. "God, these girls are starting to rub off on me." "Yo, Thin Man?", Natalie asked looking down. "Wha…?" But he was cut off when he felt a sharp edge at his throat. He gasped and closed his eyes tightly, and then heard, "DYLAN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" He opened his eyes and saw Dylan, holding a orange colored Dorito at his throat. "THAT,", she said, "is his BATTLE", she imitated him, "Wha…?" "Dylan, you're such an ass," Alex said, while rolling her eyes. Dylan started to walk out of the room when all of the sudden she heard a, "NO!" Dylan whirled around ready for action, and she saw the Thin Man walking briskly out of the room. "NO," Alex yelled following him Natalie tagging along behind, "We still have like a kajillion more hair styles to try!" She and Natalie followed him out of the room at a run, and Dylan looked at them darkly. She wished that he HAD attacked them, so she would have a reason to save them. That, or get rid of the man.


	4. VEGAS! and some other stuff

I do not own any of these characters. I am very un-original. Booh.

Dylan had an idea. "Uh, hey.", she said putting on an innocent act. She shuffled her feet as 

she walked into the room, head lowered, red hair sweeping over her eyes as a childs would. 

"What do you want?", the Thin Man asked as he combed through damp hair frowing and 

grimicing as he ran through knots. "Well, uh,", Dylan did not expect hostility from him, not now 

at least. "I heard that Mary Ortiz was heading to Las Vegas." He turned around abruptly, 

eyes glistening with excitement and pehaps anger, making Dylan jump. "Jeez, don't do...", 

she started. The Thin Man started to pack his worn leather bag that he had snatched from 

under Bosley's bed. "Hey wait," Dylan said walking to his side, frowning, red lips hanging 

open "You are not going after this woman without us." "You'll mess everything up.", he 

snarled at her, bristling at the thought that thissilly girl was telling him what to do. Dylan 

swiped her leg into the back of his knees in a kick, and he fell back with a yelp, and hit the 

floor with a deafening thud. "Like hell I'm not.", Dylan said goose-stepping out of the room. 

The Thin Man groaned, eyes shut tight as she told Natalie and Alex to pack their bags 

because, "We're going to VEGAS!" The Thin Man turned onto his stomach, glaring at the 

spot where Dylan was standing, got up and did a loose-limbed run into the other room. 

"We're going to VEGAS?!", asked Alex, stars in her eyes. "Uh...", the Thin Man wished that 

Alex wasn't so damn beautiful, it was confusing him. It would have been a hell of a lot easier 

to say no. Heck, he would have jumped off of a building for her. "Yes?", he squeaked, trying 

to at least give a faint lopsided grin. Alex had to giggle, he looked cute and incredibly goofy 

at the same time. Meanwhile the Thin Man was mentally kicking himself in the head not sure if 

that answer was correct', although the ever so slight playful crease at his sky blue eyes 

would make one asume diferently. "YES!", Natalie and Alex yelled. They inter-locked their 

arms and did a hillbilly hoe down dance while singing, "WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS, 

WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS!" "Thanks so much Creepy Thin Man!", Natalie said, grin as 

wide as the Grand Canyon but three times as beautiful. She threw her arms around him in a 

hug. He caught a whiff of her hair and he was in heaven. She must have been using cotton 

candy scented shampoo. She released him and said, "I'm going to pack!" She turned 

around and the Thin Man decided to try his luck and swiped at her hair. But she was too fast 

and bounced out of the room, lightning speed. He slumped back in a chair, rubbing his 

temples and decided that they were the enemy, and he repeated that phrase over and 

over in his mind. But subconsciously, he was really trying to convince himself that HE wasn't 

the enemy.


	5. Tragedy?

" LET'S GO!", Alex screeched as she walked into the Thin Man's room. Well, it was actually 

Bosley's room, but he wouldn't mind sleeping on the couch. "Besides, the Thin Man is 

cuter", Alex thought to herself. Then she started to worry. He had been there the night 

before. How far could he have gotten? Then she heard water running and felt relieved. She 

took a big sigh and walked towards the bathroom and called, "Are you in there?" No answer. 

She then frowned and screamed, "DON'T WORRY I'M COMING!" Then she kicked the 

door down and ran towards the running water coming from the shower. She threw back the 

curtain prepared for the worst and found a note. She turned the water off and snatched the 

note from the shower head. Alex looked at the handwriting mouth dangling open slightly and 

delicately furrowed eyebrows. There were a few water spots but otherwise, no harm done. 

The writing was no more than chicken scrawl, small dark and messy but fairly readable. Then 

Alex turned her attention to the note itself:

"Falling fast, falling with no end,

Into darkness out, to find you on a limb,

Landing hurts, time after time again,

Bones break, time splits never to return again,

So I won't land, I'll fall forever when,

In hope that you will catch me and I'll never fall again". 

To Alex and the Angles

This poem is dedicated to you, and I want you to promise that you will never speak of me, 

for it is too perilous. Natalie, I will never forget your beautiful smile, Dylan, your forceful ways 

and womanly features, and Alex, your small Asian frame, light and nimble as a blossom 

riding on a gentle breeze. Tell me, tell me you will think of me when the wind caresses your 

skin and blows gently through your hair. Tell me that you will remain fair and true to your 

cause because I will not remember girls full of sorrow and mourning, so please, go through 

with your mission and do the greatest justice you can: help people. Please undo the things I 

have done in the past and do not forget me, or what I have written on this page.

Sincerely, 

The Creepy Thin Man

By the time Alex was finished reading this, she was sitting in the fetal position, eyes shut 

tightly, and bawling as a small child would, rocking back and forth gently. She was so 

enveloped in her tears that she did not notice Dylan and Natalie dragging something inside. 

Alex did not notice their presence until she heard the springs on Bosley's bed creak and 

small, suppressed sobs from Natalie. Alex's eyes widened as she turned around and saw 

the scene unfold around her. Perhaps the most amazing thing was Dylan's heavily darkened 

eyes brimming with tears. Then Alex looked at the bed where Natalie was sitting and saw 

her Thin Man lying there. Alex felt hot angry tears stream down her cheeks as she looked at 

the slightly bloodied man lying on the bed. "What happened?", she asked, usual spark 

gone from her voice and still in the fetal position on the hard bathroom floor. "He was hit by a 

car." Dylan said, voice threatening to split in two. That was it for Natalie. She grabbed their 

new-found friend around the neck and started sobbing convulsively while pulling him closer 

to her. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE!", she screamed and then in a hushed whisper she whispered 

the phrase to him, as if trying to make him understand. "That fucking car hit him so hard, the 

license plate came off.", Dylan said handing the battered piece of metal to Alex. "Can't you 

research it or something, see who did it?" "What can't I do?", said Alex, a small pitiful, tearful 

smile. Natalie all of the sudden jumped on the man and started breathing into his mouth. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", Dylan screamed. "HE STOPPED BREATHING!" This was 

all too much for Alex. She left the room, sat at her lap top and started researching away. By 

the time she had hacked into the license records, she hear Natalie crying and whispering, 

"Thank you." Dylan ran to the door and told Alex that he's started breathing again. Alex 

turned around and looked at Dylan, an intense look on her face.


	6. Continuing story under this condition RE

Hi everyone. There has been some confusion over why the Thin Man is speaking. The Thin 

Man is speaking solely because in my opinion, he could speak the whole time. First of all if 

you had even read interviews with Crispin Glover, you would find that the Thin Man had 

lines in the movie. They were corny in Mr. Glover's opinion, so they nixed them all together. 

Second of all, I think the Thin Man was too busy trying to kill the girls and didn't have the time 

to carry out a petty conversation. If you could get your ass kicked, kick someone else's ass 

and talk to them, I would say that you are Clark Kent because that is NOT the way things 

work. If you noticed the Thin Man has a voice box, for he screeches and yells throughout the 

movie. Lastly, the girls have gotten very attached to him. If he wrote you an amazingly cute 

note, I don't think you would shun him anymore. You can all thank ErikDevotee for this. I don't 

mind constructive criticism, but that was mean. **I will continue this fanfiction for 20-30 **

chapters as planned, but if I get another flame like this, I may rethink that agreement. 

Thank you all for the rest of your kindness and support.

Sincerely,

The Creepy Thin Man

PS. Keep reviewing, I love when I get reviews.


	7. Waking up

Dylan looked down at Alex slightly turned towards her computer, sensing the tension in the 

room and saw that it was wrought across her face as well. "What is it?", Dylan asked with 

concern and apprehension dripping from her voice. Alex turned back towards her computer 

and sighed slightly. She turned back towards Dylan and shifted her eyes towards the carpet. 

"This wasn't an accident", Alex said dangerously. "He knew it wasn't.", she said with a matter-

of-fact tone, as a few strands of dark hair fell over her face as to curtain her worry and 

underlying fear. Alex had hacked into the Triple A® records and found out who's liscence 

plate that crumpled piece of rubbish was. "That plate belongs to-" She was interrupted by 

Natalie. "Come here! He's waking up!", she stated with a mile-wide smile. Alex scrambled 

towards the other room, almost triping over her feet and Dylan ran in a loose gate towards 

the door. They stopped and saw Natalie leaning over the bed. In the bed was the Thin 

Man, still as bloody as ever...they were afraid that the slightest movement may send him 

into shock or worse. Alex and Dylan regained their "cool" exterior and strutted over to the 

side of the bed. Alex asked him in a calm and quiet voice, "How are you doing?" The Thin 

Man visibly swallowed hard while closing his eyes and tilting his head back slightly. He 

looked back up at them a blank look on his face, and tilted his head gently from side to side 

as if to say, so-so. Then Alex asked, "Why did you leave?" The Thin Man looked down in 

shame and then opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. He opened his 

eyes wide in confusion as he jerked his head back to look at Alex trying to convey his 

replies vocally, but to no avail. Alex looked at him and said, "WAIT." She traced a thin gash 

down his throat with her finger as a new coat of blood sprung from it, like some gothic stream. 

"He's...mute."


	8. Helen

The Thin Man gave a loud gasp and ducked as a bowl of Spaghettios flew past his left 

cheek. "YOU ASS! I HATE YOU!", Dylan screeched while knocking him to the floor in a 

flurry of pinstripe and red. The Thin Man's senses immediately switched to killer mode and 

her turned himself over forcefully, placing himself on top of Dylan while straddling her. Dylan 

pounded on his rock-hard stomach while he grimaced and flinched slightly, but showed no 

sign of getting off of her. She groaned whiled trying to get out from under him, but it was no 

use...he was bigger. She scratched him hard on his left cheek and said, "I wish that you died 

when Mary Ortiz hit you with her car." The Thin Man looked at her, his mouth hanging open 

slightly as he slowly got off of her. She grabbed a piece of paper from the inside of his 

jacket pocket and stomped out of the room, absolutely fuming. The Thin Man noticed 

something fall off of her cheek and land on the table. He slowly approached it and studied it. 

It looked like a tiny diamond, beautiful and perfect. He slowly touched it and a watery film 

formed around his fingertip. It was a tear. Dylan was crying. Alex and Natalie stepped out of 

the shadows that concealed them as they watched the scene unfold. He turned around 

quickly at the sounds of their stilettos scuffling against the carpet. They looked at him with half-

raised heads and he pulled a pad of paper and pen out of his jacket and scratched out the 

word, "WHY?", and jabbed at it with his pen. Natalie looked at Alex as she started to speak 

softly and slowly. "You found that picture in her drawers didn't you? Just kind of thrown 

carelessly in her clothes?" The Thin Man nodded. "Well that man...", Natalie hesitated and 

looked at Alex. Alex looked at her nervously and said, "Go on." Natalie's eyes darted back 

to the Thin Man and said solemnly, "that was her ex." The Thin Man sighed and rolled his 

eyes. Alex looked back at Natalie and said, "And....?". Natalie started again, "Well, Dylan.... 

She didn't trust many guys when she was younger...", Natalie said gesturing with a slight 

smile to the picture of Dylan smiling and flipping off the camera. Natalie smiled and said, 

staring at nowhere in particular, "Maybe it was because she is so attractive.... you know? 

Gee, I bet she got more catcalls and compliments than any other girl. But one day.... a 

beautiful stranger showed up on a motorcycle.... She'd seen him around before but never 

thought to talk to him. Well, they hit it off right away. He was her prince in shinning leather...he 

smoked, she smoked...he drank, so did she. They listened to all of the same bands.... I 

really envied her. For the first time in her life she was smiling and laughing around a man, I'd 

never seen her like that. She really trusted him. But I'm warning you...this story doesn't have 

a happy ending. They were out one night and her prince went to get food to take home and 

she heard it.... a gunshot. She was so scared...she expected to see him dead on the 

ground, blood coming out of his mouth, but she looked and he was coming back towards the 

car with a gun in his hand. Well she got out and ran. She ran all the way to the police she told 

them and from then on, the only man she'd ever trusted made a vow.... A vow to hunt her 

down and kill her even if took a hundred years." "One-hundred," Alex interrupted, annoyed 

with Natalie's misuse of words. "Quiet," Natalie said to her, eyes flashing like an ignored five-

year-old. "Anyway, she was put in the Witness Protection program, and Helen Zass 

became Dylan Saunders. So you see...that picture that you used for target practice is the 

reminder of a time when she was truly in love." The Thin Man's features contorted into a slight 

smirk and he made odd gasping sounds, a laugh. Natalie smiled too and said, "I know Zass, 

ass." The Thin Man took out a piece of paper and scribbled out, "No....Saunders reminds 

me chicken." Natalie started to go into hysterics. "I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! 

Ohmigod...you're smart. Hah.... That's a new one." But in the other room, despite the 

laughter, Dylan Sanders was shoving all of her prize possessions into a small leather 

suitcase.


End file.
